Fast forward to the near future: NBA basketball. The unspoken law of the NBA is that the game is one thing but people will really come out for the drama of the superstar foul reaction. The petulant disbelief of the offender. The "who-me?" reaction escalated to Broadway proportions. Vaudeville meets the hardwood.
Here goes:
Play-by-Play Announcer, “Jim” (radio): All righty, we’re back with 2:32 left in the third quarter at Staples Center, Lakers 72, Grizzlies 64. Ball inbounds under the basket Miller to Gasol. Gasol turns, shoots and Kobe swats it away! Odon gets the ball… There’s the whistle. It’s on Kobe, his forth!
Color Commentator, “Billy”: Jim, Kobe doesn’t appear to like that call.
Jim: That’s right, Billy. Kobe has taken the ball away from Lamar Oden and is walking to mid-court. He. Is. In. Disbelief. Clearly, Kobe doesn't agree. This’ll be a good one.
Billy: Kobe has placed the ball on center court and his hands are on his face; he is in serious disbelief over that call. Kobe sits down. It looks like he's...mock-sobbing.
Just look at the Lakers bench, it looks like they just witnessed a Chevrolet Suburban hit-and-run a stroller in an crosswalk. Chevy – 0% or $1,000 cash back now through April 3 at the Chevy Monster Spring Cleaning Sales Event.
Jim: I think Kobe’s telling referee Will Simmons that he’s crazy. There's some finger-wagging, some staring...
Billy: He’s making the dizzy-in-the-head motion with his finger to his temple. I believe. Yes. He has crossed his eyes.
Jim: The crowd’s going nuts. They saw that on the H-P Jumbo Monitors. Kobe better be careful, or he’s going to get a technical, that could be costly to the Lakers.
Billy: Yeah, but the refs have backed off. There going to let this one go. Let’s hear from Suze Richards on the sidelines:
Sideline Correspondent, “Suze Richards”: Word has it that Kobe has something special loaded up for this tantrum. We can only hope…
Billy: There it is! He’s taking off his shorts! Kobe Bryant is standing at center court at Staples Center, two minutes-thirty left in the third and Kobe Bryant is wearing compression shorts and the number 24 jersey. Suze, you were right!
Jim: What’s that printed on his rear? Oh my...
Suze: It says, “Witch Hunt” clearly an attack on the refs and the NBA over the number of questionable calls against the superstar, particularly the suspension-educing flagrant fouls. Jim.
Jim: The trainer is bringing something to Kobe. It’s…it’s a pogo stick. Holy cow! Suze, I thought "Which Hunt" was the surprise, but this takes the cake.
Billy: Kobe’s bouncing on a pogo stick in his underwear and pointing at the crowd. This sellout crowd is going nuts. Woah! These fans are pumped! That may have crossed the line with these officials though who are now converging on mid-court.
Jim That’s it. Kobe’s been assessed a technical foul. His first. A Chevy Malibu technical foul. Chevy Malibu. Independence and emotion come to a meeting of the minds. Chevy, where the charrrrge begins. Now Phil Jackson is awake and he's pointing at the refs. Phil is in dis-belief!
Billy: We’ll be right back after a word from Budweiser. Budweiser, the king of beers. Lakers 72, Grizzlies 64.
