East Summer West 2007 - Teaser II

East Summer West 2007

by Christine McGuinness and Ty Hardaway

will be released in September 2007

And we aren't even using the spreads above

[clicky for teaser I] teaser I
[clicky for projectinfo] beginning of project info

Dang!

Wide Stance

Ask Ty...August 28

Q:

You might remember "Mold Man" from a previous Ask Ty! Well, we've made the move to the common room, and I'm happy to say that he's nowhere near as moldy as before.

The problem now, though, is the same guy, who sits a mere 20 feet from me, throughout the day, makes these loud hog-like snorts. He'll make several of them in a row, and maybe do it five or six times a day. I guess everyone else in the room is pretending not to hear it, because no one has said anything about it.

Ty, why is he doing this, and how can I get him to stop?

Just Wondering,

- Hog Adverse AKA Trippin' Mold While Working for the Man

(Hey, I think Ask Ty! would be a good segment for Priceless Banter)

Ty: Good question and an even better observation, HA. And, you're right! Ask Ty! would be a great spot for Priceless Banter (the Kingdom of Leisure show starring Todd Hawking & Rich Rawlings). Priceless Banter (or "PB" as the kids say) is a show about a show, you know. Kind of like Jerry! but with much more of the swearing. It's full of illegal calls, copyright infringements, and other malicious and deliberate activities that we can get a way with since there is not attorney general now that AG Antonio Banderas has resigned. It would be great to do Ask Ty! on the big show. I could even make it "funny" or "irreverent." Gee. Thanks, HA.

Anyway. It is unclear where the derogatory term, "honky," originated but some argue that it is a put-down for nasal passage-impaired Caucasians who make "these loud hog-like [or goose-like] snorts" - thus, honking like a Canada goose.

Your co-worker has allergies (or is a cokehead). Your co-worker may be allergic to his own mold, perhaps. Occasionally, it seems, he has to snort the nasal and back drip into his throat (to spit or swallow) so that he can continue to breathe.

Now you understand. But that doesn't make him any less of a nasty, gross-ass motherfucker. A I right?

Right you are that most of your other co-workers are actively ignoring him. I mean, it's polite company you keep within your office. Get along to get along. But, there are ways to resolve this dissonance.

Next time he does this, gently clear your throat. You know, let him and others know that you noticed. Maybe he'll get the hint.

If that doesn't work, the next time you can pretend to cough while saying, "shutthefuckup" while making it sound like a gentle coughing.

If that doesn't work, the next time scream, "Fucking stop that you disgusting honky!"

Bonus:

• On the TV show The Jeffersons, George Jefferson regularly referred to white people as honkies. This usage added a familiar, less offensive tone to the word, which caused some acceptance of the term when used in the appropriate company.

• On an episode of Family Guy, to get out of jury duty Peter (a white man) attempts to pretend to be racist on an all-white jury and remarks "awful lot of honkies in here".

Get some headphones.

Just a guess. - Ty

Wide Stance

In Case You Were Wondering

First Day : Kindergarten

Priceless Banter: Now Open

Priceless Banter: the Kingdom of Leisure Show
(a tripgrass P'odd-Cast) is alive

Starring Todd Hardwick & Rich Rockly (and Big Dave Wave as "Dave" the world's worst podcast producer).

[clicky here] for promo.

[clicky here] for Middlespaced; the P'odd-Cast site.

PB05

Wow, that show kind of rocked.

[clicky]

E18

Dang!

I'll be somewhat out of commission for a while...I'm all E18ed.

[clicky]

King > Vick > Rose

"[Michael] Vick made Pete Rose look like Albert Einstein here."

- King Kaufman

[clicky]

Shut Up or Something

From the podcast:

Like the "For Dummies" series, a new Million Dollar Idea Department "tough love" self-help series called, "Shut Up or Something."

Weight Loss? Shut Up, Fatty, and Run a Mile or Something

Social Problems? Shut Up, Loser, and Get a Life or Something

Anorexia? Shut Up, Boney, and Eat a Sandwich or Something

Slow? Shut Up, Retard, and Read a Book or Something

Poor? Shut Up, Free School Lunchy, and Get a Job or Something

Pimples? Shut Up, Zitty, and Wash your Face or Something

Questioning? Shut Up, Homo, and Enjoy Being Gay or Something

Drinking Problem? Shut Up, Lush, and Sober Up or Something

Pregnant? Shut Up, Preggo, and Raise Your Kid or Something

Aging Issues? Shut Up, Grandpa, and Live Before You Die or Something

Does God Exist? Shut Up, Zealot, and Learn About Science or Something

By 'em today!

Leaving Bethesda

I moved to Bethesda in July of1992. It was hot. It was humid. And the mid-Atlantic was very different than Santa Cruz, California – 15 years, a month, a couple of weeks and a few days ago.

Even though I moved out of Bethesda in 2001, I still worked then still delivered and retrieved the child from school in Bethesda. I believe I was the mayor for a while. I know the nooks and a few of the crannies. But, this is all winding up now.

Tomorrow is the last day that I will have a formal connection to Bethesda. The offspring is finishing up at the school she’s attended for five years, a month, a couple of weeks and a few days. She started as the youngest child at three-months and is finishing as the “oldest kid in the building.” Even the school has changed management, ownership, and several groups of teachers and caretakers. Sally, however, has been there the entire time.

So, yeah, my Bethesda phase is officially over. For the first time in over 15 years I will not have a reason to visit Bethesda on a daily basis. I won’t save my change or deliver fruit to specific homeless persons. I won’t need to get my hair cut, teeth cleaned or visit my physician in Bethesda. I won’t use dry cleaning services in Bethesda. I won’t go to Caribou on “the” corner. I won’t see construction projects completed in minute increments. No more VFW baseball, Booeymonger, or other special treats specific to Wood Mountain. Levels? Worlds? Leisure biking in parking garages. The Zone. All past.

Weird, huh?

We. Will. Never. Forget.

I think we are ready
So kick it!

Yee'eeee!

Now listen up suckers
Don't get the jitters
But MC Rove tears the heads off critters!

That's true, it's cruel to see
But he's gonna speak about animal cruelty

He's a man, he's a treasure trove
Tell me what is your name?
I'm MC Rove

That's right he can't be beat,
Because he's so white from his head to his feet
But he will rap it when you give him a chance
Look at him move doing the rappin' dance!

That's true, he's a dancing resident
He is the side-kick to the president
He's going way a'bove
Tell me what is your name?
MC Rove

[Arm's shuffling.]
That's true, he's crossing his arms
He's rapping and a chillin and showing his charm
He will do it without fail
Get out his gun cause he's shooting quail!

That man will never stop!
Look at him jumping up and down
Ready to hop!
He's got so much to prove
And tell me you never saw this man move

a Doing the dance,
The Karl Rove dance
a Doing the dance,
The Karl Rove dance

[Karl Bouncing Against Colin]
and Dancing and talking, and dancing and talking
and Dancing and talking, and dancing and talking
and Dancing and talking, and dancing and talking
and Dancing and talking, and dancing and talking

Now it's time for a little shock
With the Colin over there doing the o'beat box!

boom, boobooboobooboom, boobooboobooboom
boom, boobooboobooboom, boobooboobooboom
boom, boobooboobooboom, boobooboobooboom
boom, boobooboobooboom, boobooboobooboom

[jumping up and down, arms hanging,
mimicking monkeys ...]

hehe, hehe, hehehe, hehehe
hehe, hehe, hehehe, hehehe
huhu, huhu, huhuhu, huhuhu
hehe, hehe, hehehe, hehehe
hehe, hehe, hehehe, hehehe
MC Rove

You were such a helpful treasure trove
Tell me what is your name?
MC Rove

See him later hanging in the cove
Tell me what is your name?
MC Rove

Doin it right
And he really strove
Tell me what is your name?
MC Rove

Give it up for Rove in the House!

Process Enacted

by Jordan C Greenhalgh

EastSummerWest Teaser

EastSummerWest 2007
by Christine McGuinness and Ty Hardaway

will be released in September 2007

[clicky]

Royal

Scott never really liked this photo. I thought it was great:

I took it, of course.

Priceless Banter: The Kingdom of Leisure Show

It's a podcast featuring Rich, Ty and Dave the producer, stay tuned...seriously.

From the desk of Dave the producer:

"Is this something people listen to live, or is it prerecorded? What's the format and length? Is it centered around music, or you two talking live or more of an edited thing?"

Shit Dave! This is why you're the producer. You think we have any answers? Half-hour shows, weekly or periodically. Talk, music, interviews, contests. You know, the Merv Griffin show.

I don't know the best case would be if you two were in the same room (or on the corner), Rich with his guitar and harmonica, Ty with his drums, just chatting, and sometimes the chat kinda flows in to one of your songs or just free form playing, intermixed with "hey, lets give X a call."

If you can do that over the phone, that would be great - maybe have your instruments miced (how do you spell miced anyway?) in to the phone somehow."

Dave, you are the worst producer ever. Corner? We live 3,000 miles apart and you're in Florida. What corner...the corner of Arkansas and Oklahoma? Do we have to do everything? Skype and Encamm recorder. We can have instruments going into the computer, or whatever. Dang, man! Then we can call or whatever. We'll get you and Chuck and others to submit music. Go back to producing school, dude.

Middlespaces Now Open for Business

[clicky]

Just Like Old Times (out for a walk)

So, I went out to get a cup of coffee. Kind of a morning break. In fact, the coffee shop people are nice enough, I get a warm, moist walk in, and I usually run into somebody to have some small talk with.

Today I ran into Sarah (who used to own the kid's hair salon) and her two kids (the one she and her husband had plus the one she sold the business to acquire). She was getting some coffee and getting ready to take the chillin' to the Wiggles show in Baltimore. Kirin, the 3 year-old didn't believe I knew all about the Wiggles. I told him that I was the 5th Wiggle, the black shirted Wiggle. "Lance," the black Wiggle. He wasn't buying it.

Anyway, I went for a walk. On my way home I saw this dude running. You know the type. Too many muscles, overly hair-phobic, short. Perfect form but choppy little short-dude steps. You know the type, about a 4 on the Mope Scale and about an 8 on the Insecurity Scale.

You know, like the picture. He was even wearing the red shorts. Anyway, I could see him but he couldn't see me. I'm just walking, drinking my coffee and watching this dude work his bod. I'm laughing on the inside. He turns a corner and pulls up. An injury? He stops and does that sort of jog in place thing for a second and looks back then he looked at his shoe. Then he starts wiping his foot in the grass in that unmistakable motion that can only mean one thing.

Ha! He stepped in dog shit! Now, that's funny as hell!

So, I'm walking in his direction and he finally notices me. You know what he did? Here's the payoff. He starts this exaggerated stretching thing with his arms all on his hips and bending his torso.

Coolassic!

I mean it's dog shit. We've all stepped in dog shit. It's almost sentimental. And you know what? We're all gonna step in dog shit again...especially if we travel to France.

See how Ray handles dog shit below:

Medalists > Hope > Future > Story

[clicky 1]
[clicky 2]

Five kids. One junior and four seniors (going to Stanford, MIT, Harvard, and MIT) - from left to right. The kids are from Delaware, California, Oklahoma, Ohio, and Florida which seems fairly representative.

Two gold medals. Three silver. Tied for third place overall with South Korea. Competition was in Iran (good story). China won the competition. Russia placed second. That's something to consider.

But, lookie? One white kid, three Asian kids, one Indian did. Zero blacks or Hispanics. One female (and no, Larry Summers, she's not going to Harvard). Now, don't get me wrong and this isn't nationally representative, but lookie here, 'eh?

Interesting though.

The Definition of "Future Gifting"

"Post it somewhere where no one will ever listen to it."

Duh. And, you know who you are that wrote that.

Priceless banter.

Tom & Jon > Scharpling & Wurster

"Much appreciation for cluing me into TBSOWFMU."

The Best Show on WFMU explained > [clicky]

Sharpling & Wurster [dot] com > [clicky]

The Best Show on WFMU > [clicky]

Friends of Tom [dot] com > [clicky]

s t e r e o l a f f s [dot] com [clicky]

The Art of the Slap review > Pitchfork [clicky]

Scharpling & Wurster Wiki [clicky]

Million Dollar Idea Department

Again, from Rich:

The L'il H!

You marry the "concept" of the Hummer (H1 > H2 > H3 > The L'il H!) with the platform of the Chevy HHR. Put a fast engine in the bastard and market it to high school graduates.

+

=

Like I mentioned already. Rich thought of it first. Look for it, the L'il H!

Another Monster in Town

Just so you know, the August 13 issue of The New Yorker (dogs on cover) is a raging monster.

Highlights include:

The Black Sites - A rare look inside the C.I.A.’s secret interrogation program.
by Jane Mayer


High and Mighty - Lil Wayne takes over hip-hop.
by Sasha Frere-Jones

Falling - Can you parachute twenty-five miles and survive?
by Burkhard Bilger

An Error in the Code - What can a rare disorder tell us about human behavior?

Read!

756

"I've never believed a home run ball belonged to the player. If he caught it, it's his."

-Barry Bonds, Home Run King

"I'm Matt Murphy from Queens, N.Y."

- Matt Murphy from Queens, who caught 756

"I move over now and offer my best wishes to Barry and his family on this historic achievement."

- Hank Aaron, video tribute

"[My new Barry Bonds] jersey hung proud in my office last week. It was my middle finger to the baseball world and those outside of baseball who had made judgment and jury on Bonds being the devil."

- Scoop Jackson, ESPN

"Fuck you, old man, clap when you go to see history and it happens."

- LAist, "Is Bud Selig a Racist or does he Just Hate Baseball?"

[Administrative note: Speaking of numbers, this is Middlespace Live post #404 for the year. 404 is the total from last year. Last year had the most Middlespace Live posts. I'm a geek.]

Onstad

"The most common thing I see people saying on message boards and Internet blogs is, "I showed it to my friends and they hated it. They don't get it, but I love it." So, you know… I don't want to call it an acquired taste, but Achewood has to catch you at the right moment."

"Oh, I've gone through periods where I've totally lost perspective on life. I've gone through mini-Brian Wilson periods, where I won't answer the phone for like weeks at a time. Just afraid of the world, or so focused on what I'm doing that I get superstitious and I won't leave the house. It's dangerous to work by yourself, in your house, alone."

"We were only capable of doing it because we were financially stable before I started. I got laid off and I got a severance package, and I started doing this, and pretty soon we started selling merchandise."

- Onstad

Totally! [clicky for full AV Club/Onion interview]

Foreign Policy in Haiku

Vehemently no
The principle is denial
Eliminating

Egomaniacs
Tormentum ability
Worship of the gods

Forecasting future
As Modus operandi
Dark and quiet deaths

Blue Volvo Man

There's this guy that drives around Bethesda in a Blue Volvo with a camera in his hand - like SLR with medium length telephoto - and takes pictures as he drives.

He's either a perv or an artist. Or both. Or, is there a difference?

I've seen him twice and I have is license number...I call him, "Blue Volvo Man!"

Seriously...

...you either get this or you don't:

[clicky]

@ 27 - @ 41

At 27 years of age I realized that I had never done the following:

Ate key lime pie
Gone skiing
Watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show

At 41 yeas of age I realize I'm not going to do any of those things.

Words from the West

the result of all my thinking tonight

by Richard Walkling

Art
is
evidence
that
reality
is not
the whole
story.

My Conversation With the McDonalds™ Drive Thru

I usually try to be very nice, very efficient, and very clear with my drive through orders; I always have. But, they usually go like this:

McDonalds™ Drive Thru: Can I take your order?

Me: Hi, I'd like to buy one six-piece Chicken Nugget™ Happy Meal™.

McDonalds™ Drive Thru: Boy toy or girl toy and what drink?

Me: Huh? Uh, I'll Have the Legion of Superheros™ toy, please. And apple juice.

McDonalds™ Drive Thru: Huh? Boy toy or girl toy?

Me: I'm reading this right off your menu, we want the "Legion of Superheros™" toy, thanks.

McDonalds™ Drive Thru: Do you have a boy or a girl?

Me: What does that matter? Your menu indicates that for this promotion period we get either the Build-A-Bear™ workshop or the Legion of Superheros™ toy with the Happy Meal™. My child wants the Legion of Superheors toy. It's completely irrelevant what sex child I have. In fact, maybe I don't have a child, maybe it's for my elderly grandmother or maybe it's for me. In fact, we were kind of thinking that maybe a boy could want the Build-A-Bear™ workshop and a girl could possibly, just possibly, want the Legion of Superheros™ toy. In fact, my child was really excited that you had the Legion of Superheros™ toy. We don't roll that way; boy stuff and girl stuff.

McDonalds™ Drive Thru: Hold on....

McDonalds™ Drive Thru: What kind of drink?

Me: Apple juice, please.

McDonalds™ Drive Thru: Anything else?

Me: Yes, we'll have one Fruit & Walnut snack™, please.

McDonalds™ Drive Thru: Fruit salad?

Me: No, I'm reading this verbatim from your menu, one "Fruit & Walnut snack™", thanks.

McDonalds™ Drive Thru: Five thirty-seven, next window, please.

TWIG

This Week in Gravity

Krauthammer - He's Alive!

So I had nearly given up on Charles Krauthammer as a thinker, writer, and humorist. Yeah, he can be quite funny.

But, today, to much of my amusement (so bloggy)...he was funny as hell:

"Three miles! That's how far they calculate they must go to be beyond the radius of incineration should anything go awry on the launch pad on which, I remind you, these insanely brave people are sitting. Would you not want to be a bit soused?"

Today, I give it up for Chucky K.

[clicky]

Second Batch FAQ

Second Batch FAQ

Summer 2007

What the hell is Second Batch? See, you thought there were pictures here. They're just one link away!

Second Batch is a collection of images from this present summer in 12 distinct categories.

Second Batch is an exhibit of photographs I made - photos that will not appear in EastSummerWest, the summer photography book by Christine McGuinness and myself. More on that some other time. Out this fall though.

Second Batch is a gallery of pictures that tell all the stories - stories that will not appear on the next tKoL album in progress (original tKoL lineup of Rich Walkling and myself). More on that some other time. Out this fall though.

Second Batch is:

Elements
Lab
Outside
Silver Springs
BW
Recovery
Three-2
Food
Tops
Three-1
Blue
2-01

Enjoy Second Batch and lead people to the online exhibit (or this page). Naturally, prints are available. I'll sell individual images to you if you want. Just ask if you're so inclined [ty(at)middlespace(dot)net ].

Hustling for gigs, as always. I will shoot interesting things for a hefty price and retain all creative control - as always.

So what did you do this summer? Let me know!

Reference