Moving from one scary bathroom to another
our American journey continues AS IF it never began

Awaiting decisions about time and place
the girls have come out to play

But I wait still
and it seems like forever since I knew myself

[Post Originally Untitled]

actually, nothing much to say, but here goes:

- belts are addictive
- puppies were a hoax

The following mail can't be sent to AMGCHICAGO@aol.com:

From: ty@middlespace.net
To: AMGCHICAGO@aol.com
Subject: 2002 Lily
The file is the original mail

They are down with all the siblings
I am downwards with all the brothers
I am for I lower with all the brothers
I am down with all brothers

Everybody thinks they know something.

What I have learned is that when Anne has something to say, it's always worth a good listen and a serious consideration. She's the most thoughtful (full of thought) person I know. Thus, she's often spot on with the important stuff. I cherish her opinion even when my own stubborn personality results in bad personal decisions or foolhardy gambles. And, she's never said "I told you so."

Where have we gone? If the senate flips and the house holds, we've got serious problems as Americans. In Maryland, democratic voters outnumber republicans 5-to-1 and Ehrlich is out-polling Townsend. And, Connie, dear Connie will probably win the 8th district...again. Where are we going? The saddest part is we, as Americans, have given up. We have numbed ourselves to the obvious and have taken the easy route to our own demise. Most of the educated world look upon us, collectively, as suicidal idiots.

I've said many times during Bush's (Bush Jr.) tenure that I wish I were dumb and didn't process all the mayhem. But, I ain't and I do. It's a mess and it may get a whole lot uglier. The beautiful thing is, experts project the lowest voter turnout in 60 years - since World War II, when the voting population was but a fraction of those eligible now.

I cringe when I think of Junior flying all over the country, poorly reading buzz phrases to cheering and adoring audiences or zealots and hand-picked campaign stooges. I cringe when I think of how my taxes are spent. I cringe when I see the little man on the TeeVee and I hold my breath and hold my nose while I listen to random words and phrases that make no sense to me or to him. I want to cry as much as I want to laugh.

It may not be in my lifetime, but the big karma pendulum is bound to swing back someday. At least, that's what gets me through the day.

For the very first time
I am not enjoying my birthday
Historically it has been
A month-long celebration
With giddy anticipation beforeward
And
Giggly memories afterhand

I do not mind the getting older aspect
I cherish that
I am blessed with good friends
And a wondrous family
I have no private complaints

But I am weary
So worn and weak
My mind sleeps in the day
Any my body fails in the eve

This birthday floats with resentment
It would be wholly selfish
To celebrate things only personally
relevant
Sharing only my joy
Taking without giving

A life spanned by anchors
Leeuwenhoek to Robinson
Naked between the ears
Deaf to the rumblings
on earth

Happy birthday to me
Will we ever learn

I read it on the BBC
So it must be true
Our universe is doomed to collapse
Dark energy surviving
In place of all that ever…was
In a mere ten to twenty
Billion years
So I must say my goodbyes and I-love-yous now
Because I have many to say

They say the Nazis built an antigravity device
During World War II
Its absence from present science
Implies vast black worlds of secret aircraft
That might explain the UFOs people see
Over Area 51
Or the hidden tunnels under the White House
Full of lizard-men disguised as Freemasons

And a sniper is hunting me
For sins long ago committed
Stuff I swear was prayed away
In past lives
But as long as I keep running
No one will catch me
No one can catch me

An Abt colleague asked me the following three questions:

1) Why would I want to be on the EAC?

2) What makes this [EAC] different from any other well meaning, but ineffective committee?

3) Is the management so out of touch with the company that it needs to form a committee to report to it or is it just another bone from uncaring bean counters?

I open this question to all candidates. I'll begin:

1) I am nominating myself because I would like to actually see this council work (literally and figuratively). People have to believe that it will work. The council needs to lead. I maintain a healthy skepticism about many things in our world and I believe EAC will work if the appropriate effort is expended. This committee needs to be diverse in many ways and possess a collective goal-oriented ethic.

2) It is important for representatives to remember who they have been elected to represent. They are the voice of many. We have seen far too often, representative bodies (congress, for example) misrepresent their constitutes or only represent especially vocal special interests. I see it as my duty to move beyond dead-end, wheel-spinning committee work.

We need to make an effort to re-engage the employees of this company. The EAC representative - and I will do this if elected - must make an effort to meet and discuss concerns with each and every employee in their district. Surveys are great but one-on-one interactions provide the most robust data. Surely, some people will not want to participate, and we cannot force this, but it is our duty to make an earnest attempt to thoughtfully invigorate our telecommuting employees and the staff of the DC and Bethesda offices.

3) I've seen people roll their eyes and voice that we really don't need more committees. People sometimes take the time to complain, but not the time to learn or change. We need to make Abt more than just a place to work. I envision Abt as an intellectually stimulating, cross-pollinating, hotbed of pragmatic and progressive thought - the kind of place that is attractive to employee candidates and to potential clients. I've felt that the company has always had pockets of community, but we need to truly become more inclusive.

People see "management" as a sort of all-knowing (or un-knowing), unapproachable enigma. We are all people and we need to engage management as people first - not as a group that is fundamentally different. We are all working toward the same goals. As employee-owners of Abt, we must synthesize our attitudes and our behaviors as such. Participation, and I cannot emphasize this enough, is essential. We need to remain pragmatic while striving for higher goals.

Today's best illegally posted sign:

"Can I use our Army for my personal grudge too."


"Other countries of course, bear the same risk. But there's no doubt his hatred is mainly directed at us," Bush said at a political fundraiser in Houston, Texas. "After all this is the guy who tried to kill my dad." - September 27, 2002

Bumper sticker noted today:

Friends don't let friends plant annuals.

Previously Untitled Post

MIDDLESPACE - the space between

So, I am routinely bombarded with "funny" forwarded e-mailings (from "friends"). For some reason people think I find this stuff amusing. Sadly, sometimes I do. Often, I delete these messages before even I read it. I cannot summon the words to ask well meaning people to stop sending them.

Today, I received: "things youd love to say at work but can't" [sic]. You know the kind:

>7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
>15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
>25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

But, one I found particularly poignant and thought provoking for some odd reason; one that sums up my experience is:

>38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

How interesting. You never know what route inspiration will take. What the hell is career?

Career: The general course or progression of one's working life or one's professional achievements.

We've been somehow trained to find one thing in our lives, focus on that and do it forever. No diversity, no change. In some corners of our culture it's still admirable to work for the same organization until retirement. Loyalty is a virtue - then we die. We should all have careers and be professional, right? We can be career professionals. That's what I will tell people I "do" when I am asked, "so, what do you do?" I am a career professional! My college major was: Professional Careerism.

Professional: Engaging in a given activity as a source of livelihood or as a career.

I am sitting here because they pay me to sit here.

All I want to really do is make things. Call it art or a calling or my passion, but I just want to spend most of my time making things. I want to make more records - recordings with sounds and songs, I want to take photographs. I want to paint, film things and built odd or useful objects. I want to integrate all medium while ignoring the conventions and cliches of medium. I want to write. I want to juxtapose. I want to think.

In return, I am not really interested in selling any of it or really having much exposure. I know enough people that may or may not enjoy my work. I know enough people to push it on. Most people won't get it anyway. Uh, the questions, "what does it mean?" Hell if I know. What does your nose mean? I just want to do what is already trying to squeeze from my fingers and from my head. It's like breathing...what does breathing mean? Ask yourself what does meaning mean.

Okay, for the first time I will tell everyone what it all means. Simultaneously, it means everything while meaning absolutely nothing. I am not a career professional in reality interpretation. It means what it means...to you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I want time. Like fire, we've done a good taming of time; but it is still wild and dangerous when inclined to it's true, feral nature. Where does it go?

Time is my fire.

Thank you for your time.


>>ty.hardaway

ginger

Run, run as fast as you can...click above. Roosterism: click below:

roosterism

Google

"It's true that a certain caution had crept into my life. Because of the penury that my slacker ways had brought me, I had been disguising myself as an adult in order to make money. The disguise had been getting better and better. For a period, I wore ties and slacks and leather shoes. In an epic gesture of accommodation, I had cut my hair. But even though I no longer looked particularly young, I thought my pedigree of youthfulness shined through."

- Cary Tennis, Salon

9/11

because of the anger unwarranted
the frustration boils over
the pot steaming, red and bitter

if everyone were like me
i would be one of them
so my positions hold - guarded

i cared because i do
without ally nor foe
only the raging, one-sided
debate waged between temples

the lust of power is the lust for death
winds heavy with clinging summer
the ache imagined more hurtful than
the pain realized

no answers no questions
only lies and perceptions
if i hate them perhaps i hate myself

Blind Date - Don't fetishize Sept. 11. By William Saletan

Alvaro,

William Saletan at Slate eloquently writes what I was feeling about this weepy, groveling "moment of silence" business:

"When we fetishize anniversaries, we risk squandering their lessons. We focus on the kind of attack we suffered that day—a massive strike by a nation-state, a plane hijacking by Arabs—losing sight of different enemies and methods more likely to follow. We imagine that the problem we face began on the day we were struck, forgetting the years beforehand in which it plagued other regions. And we foster an illusion that the story is over. Sept. 11 threatens to do for terrorism what Mother's Day does for motherhood: liberate us from thinking about it 364 days a year."

No. It’s not that I am "cold" to this situation. I recognize that it is my obligation as an American to persevere, not roll over and urinate all over myself with grief. I don't need Wendell or Bush or anyone else telling me how and when to mourn. I have that covered. This "war on terrorism" is not over. The domestic war on freedom is not over. Let's not turn September 11 into a made-for-Hallmark holiday. Next year, we'll all give cards and gifts, perhaps put our 9/11 presents under our 9/11 tree.

I grieve and reflect on "nine-eleven" all the time - every day, in fact. This world, my place in it, my child's place is something I take seriously and thoughtfully. This paltry, "minute of silence" disgraces the memories of the slaughtered. And, this American flag nonsense? Where do I start? This is exactly the problem. Us against Them. It's not about America. It's about all of us; the entire world. I do not have to wear a flag pin - or, worse: put a flag on my Arab oil guzzling SUV - to be a patriot.

In fact, by not being a lemming, I exemplify America.

Your friend,

-ty

four

Nothing chokes all the blood from your spirit like a little baby, your little baby, your one and only newborn daughter, crying her eyes out - tears pooling in her eyes and dripping down her little, chubby cheeks. Her eyes shimmering in the fluorescent lighting of the hospital lab - lucidly staring into yours as if begging for help. As she bawls, her outstretched hand shakes and her body stiffens. As the phlebotomist feels around for a vein through the baby fat in her bound arm, she assures you that your progeny is only crying because she's being held still; not because the procedure causes her physical pain. We all know needles hurt but the "big comforting lie" actually relieves. The wails penetrate every cell of your being. You hurt - ache - sear for her. You'd take pain a thousand times over to spare her this moment. You tell her everything is fine and remind her that she is a fearless, tough and wondrous girl even though she cannot understand a word you say.

Then it ends. And life continues. She'll never remember it. I will forever.

Jeff Harris

was having problems with the hall smell in my old apartment. old obese cat-owning neighbor is a slob. so found a solution in moving a floor below.

newer carpet, more closet space in the new apt helped make the desire to move more resolute.

trapped in this dense and prohibitive world
like duct taped into a burlap sack
after a severe and most violent beating

limp and lifeless pre-corpse
waiting for the splash or bang
of the beginning of the end

waiting

sleep walking through years of
cognitive poverty and sensory underwhelm
conserving resources until necessity diminishes

alone in vision of world satisfaction
and greed abatement
eyes crusted shut with loath of it all

Growbag...

Rats rotting on the streets of Bethesda
Guts hurting with desires
Mood as ill as night in winter
As I hurl face-first into a sort of madness
Unknown

Alternating like current between
Not caring and caring too much
We bet our reputations on
Our integrity and merit
Or so we are led to aspire

The risks taken include
The possibility of relationships
Exploding like land mines
Crippling and killing indiscriminately
Que sera

Just when I began to settle into this place
I discover no rugs – or even floors below
Just empty spaces to hover in
Dead and alone again
Desperate from necessity