My Conversation with McDonalds®

Since it was snowy, the kid's after school basketball club was canceled (Hoopworks basketball club) so I decided to treat her to a rockin' Happy Meal®. She doesn't eat that stuff too often so it's kind of fun. Plus, I use the opportunity to discuss advertising, branding, and health. And since the mom wasn't going to be home for dinner, I decided to grab a couple of hamburgers for myself (not cheeseburgers, those are poison).

Here's my conversation at the drive through:

McDonalds® (order speaker/mic interface): ***crackle*** Hoeas lhahs os adfoe ***crackle***

Me: Excuse me?

McDonalds: ***crackle*** How may I adjf;al you? ***crackle***

Me (deliberately efficient and clear): Hello [I always say "hello"], may I buy [I always ask to "buy" or "purchase" rather than "have" or rather than just ordering] one six-piece chicken nugget Happy Meal® --

McDonalds: What drink?

Me: Apple Juice.

McDonalds: OK. Anything else?

Me: Yes, I'd also like to buy a Fruit and Walnut Snack-sized Salad® and two hamburgers.

McDonalds: First window.

McDonalds (at first window): Hold on.

Me: OK [snow falling into car and rolling window up and down trying to decide to be ready for transaction or to keep snow and cold out of the car]....

McDonalds: Happy Meal®?

Me: Yes, and--

McDonalds: Something else?

Me: Yes. As I ordered, one six-piece chicken nugget Happy Meal® with apple juice, one Fruit and Walnut Snack-sized Salad® and two hamburgers.

McDonalds: $6.32 [or whatever]. Next window.

McDonalds (at second window): [Hands bag with happy meal and apple juice] Thank you.

Me: Uh, I ordered other stuff.

McDonalds: What?

Me: I ordered other things.

McDonalds: [Has no idea what I'm saying...doesn't speak English -- goes and gets drive-through guy from first window]

Me: Hi. I ordered other stuff.

McDonalds: [In broken English] No you didn't.

Me: Yes, I did. Maybe you didn't hear me or maybe it wasn't packed, but I really did [I hand receipt back through window - drive-through guy disappears and second window woman looks at me - stares at me - snow is entering car]

McDonalds (drive-through guy): You didn't get everything? [First window guy and second windo woman stare at each other for what seems like a full 30-seconds - it's cold, it's snowing]

Me: No. [More staring]

Me: Manager please.

McDonalds (second window woman): Huh?

Me: Manager?

McDonalds (doesn't understand English): Huh?

Me: Can you get a man-i-yer?

--Short wait-- [snow falling into car and rolling window up and down trying to decide to be ready for transaction or to keep snow and cold out of the car]

McDonalds (manager guy): Hi.

Me: Hi. Here's the deal. In order to maintain efficiency and flow, you need to put your best person on drive-through. You really need someone who can speak English and solve problems quickly. If you're putting a trainee on window, you need to have someone there to supervise so you don't have this situation happen. I realize that you go through employees rapidly but this trial-by-fire method of so-called "training" doesn't work because you're going to run into people who are a lot meaner than me. In fact, I don't really care except that I'm sitting here in the cold -- and my daughter is getting cold -- and you're treating me like a mope because you cannot adequately staff your franchise.

McDonalds (manager guy): Sorry.

Me: "Sorry" isn't necessary. Please learn something and perhaps you can prevent this situation in the future.

McDonalds (manager guy): Sorry.

Funny. This was in my bag: