To Be Continued

...continues in Book Four. [<-- go there.]

Book Break/Sync

End of Book 3

In a Perfect World

In a perfect world I wouldn't receive no damn auto-dial recorded messages from Campaign Volunteers.

[cue music here - below]

But Barack "Barry Oh!" Obama would pick up the damn phone hisself and wake my ass up to tell me how pretty my eyes are and that he was thinking about me. In his smoky, nondescript kind of midwest baritone, he'd mention how the sunset reminded him of me and how he'd like to drop by, but he's no longer in Maryland right now. He's in Wisconsin or Texas or Ohio. But, he'd tell me that I am his America.



Barry Oh! would say, "Baby. I'll be back in November for a little Booty Barry Call? Let me swing by, baby." And, damn if I couldn't tell him no because he has that spell on me. I know he can't get enough of my love, shit.

And, no. No. No! He doesn't just want my vote. That's what Heather and Clair and Bayleen say though. What he really wants is me, and if I could just wait for eight years.... Until after he changes America.

He's counting on me! Barry needs me. Barry, I'm here for you baby. I love you. Call me!

The Whiffenpoofs of Kentlands

Pre-edit photo by some fellow named phil who didn't copyright this image nor get my name correct for the paper he pap's for.

Yeah, I Know (WRT Flickr WTF)

Yeah, I know.... Sorry. It's a "thing." It's because of this: [Gener Clicky]

Jealousy = Inspiration.

Anyway, uh, here's the back catalog at the Flickr link; Raw History:

[clicky]

"Ride it out. It all comes back."

- RPW

Edit Request (= I Quit!)

Oh, hey, uh...do you think you could edit my name out of your middlespace post about Eli Manning? I don't want him to get upset at me when he finds it during his routine Monday morning "Eli Manning" +mope Google search. I sent that to you confidentially.

-Shrimpy Penis Dude

Oh Hillary!

Unstoppable

"You know who should be fired? Whoever green-lighted using Eli Manning for those watch commercials. Were they trying to appeal to the mope demographic or do they just never watch football? [Watch executive] "I hear there's a guy named Manning who plays at the football game that people are talking about! Get me Manning!"

I have to assume that the watch is soft, whiny, and inaccurate."

-Rich

"Maybe the Giants Should All Wear Citizen Watches: Immediately after Eli Manning fumbled against the Bears, Fox cut to a commercial that featured the Giants' quarterback. "Eli Manning is unstoppable, just like a Citizen watch," the voice-over intoned."

- Gregg Easterbrook

Cliché (Song of the Year®)

Jerry Hsu
© 2007 tKoL, of course

[clicky]

It's a song about how Jerry Hsu saves the world from alien invasion at the 2012 Beijing Olympics. You know, total cliche.

Jerry Hsu
Baby where are you
How does your mother feel about
what you do
and all of your relatives
remembered in furniture
this was your uncles
this was your grandfathers
way back in China
but all that's behind ya
most of them died there
but what now should you care?

one board
two trucks
four wheels
ride jerry ride

in 2012 when the Martians and elves
united in forces and rode in on horses
to the Beijing Olympics the sky full of space ships
Announcing their mission and demanding submission

We mortals all cowered to their outer space powers
They burned all the soil and took all the oil
And moved us to grottoes underground spots of
Toil and oppression forced written confessions

Denouncing our species knee deep in feces
Lit fires in patterns to our allies on Saturn
We needed a messenger a pony expressenger
We needed a hero with no cause for fear oh

Jerry Hsu
Baby where are you
Come save us now
From Martian doom

one board
two trucks
four wheels
ride jerry ride

This whole things should be a lyric.
At the end say "Wait! Listen to this guitar!"

DMK

12.15.22 - 03.12.03

Libertarian Update - UPDATE

So, I'm supposed to be happy/grateful for the government to look into my car without cause and to contact me about what they observe?

Uninvited, the authorities or those deputized by the authorities will look into my formerly private-like spaces and, working against a list they've created, inform me of what could become a problem for me. Huh?

Montgomery County Police Employ Post Card Initiative for Theft from Vehicle Prevention

On Veteran’s Day they monitored approximately 500 cars and found approximately 300 had items visible. These items included: iPods, purses, money, cell phones, brief cases, and portable Global Positioning Systems.

The owners of these vehicles will receive a post card to provide the date the vehicle was observed, a description of vehicle, and where it was seen. The items that were visible will be checked from a list of possible items that may be left in a vehicle. The postcard ends with the following message: “In an effort to reduce the thefts from automobiles, the Montgomery County Police Department is asking that in the future, you please secure your personal property out of sight in the glove compartment, console, or trunk.”

Question #1: What sort of database will my vehicle information (place observed, items observed, time observed) be stored in?

Question #2: How long will this information reside in government database?

Question #3: Who has access to this database?

Question #4: Can citizens opt out of said program?

Question #5: If I report a property crime, will the authorities lecture or refuse to service based on "you were warned" criteria?

Question #6: Is this constitutional?

[clicky]

----------------

Comments:

"Put a giant dildo, a box of rubber gloves, a hamster cage and a ukulele on your back seat. Let them check that off their little list." - [clicky]

Semi-Monster NYer Alert

Sedaris. Check. Gladwell. Check.

Those are two elements that make the 12.17 issue of the NYer very good. But the following hidden-in-plain-view-gem will learn your ass something. Thus: semi-monster.

Most people I know would automatically skip this:

Treasure Hunt
Hugh Eakin
How a rare statue of Aphrodite became the
focus of the fight over antiquities, and led to
the fall of a Getty Museum curator.
Page 62

It's not online either.

"It hasn't been surpassed. There are other things that can be equally good, but it's never been surpassed in terms of artistic achievement....

But if we don't show these things, and we don't interpret them, and we don't use them to educate people, what are they surrounded by? Plastic and bad design and things that have no aesthetic quality at all."

- Marion True, former curator, Getty

Amen.

What Did YOU Do Today?

[clicky]

Dear Apple (and NYT)

Dear Apple Inc.,

It was funny at first; the "Mac" guy and the "PC" guy. We all got it. It then became arrogant and self-righteous, which isn't so bad. My friend James just typed "the arrogance of Mac" this morning. Then it became just downright mean but we didn't care since it was mean towards Micorsoft.

Now, it's stupid. You've taken an effective and cute ad concept and rounded the bases while jumping the sharks. We're over it. You remember us, your loyal base, the kids who bought Macintosh computers in 1984, 1987, 1990, 1993, 1996, 2000, 2002, 2005, and 2007.

You hurt your brand when you turn yourselves into a charactiture. That's bearable. But now, you've just pissed me off.

I know it's a business and you are in the business of making tons of cash. I get that.

But, this...this is one of the last straws. Especially when I wanted to read the NYT:


[click to enlarge]

Yawn. You're Wal-Mart to me now.

Plus Twenty Years (SCV '87)

"That stuff IS real corny to [ponder] now and around my "legit" musician friends I really don't talk about it because they wouldn't get it but dude, we were basically, Michael Jordan, Joe Montana, and Babe Ruth. We were among the best players in the WORLD who were playing in one of the best groups in the WORLD. There were maybe 50 or 60 other people in the WORLD who could do, as a group, what we did. That, to me, is some deep stuff in retrospect.

The arrogance. We were a cocky fucking drumline!!!"

I remember how absolutely devastated I was when we lost. Feeling like it was all for nothing. It hurt so bad. I have never hurt that way before or since. I remember you telling me "You better hold you head up! You are in the Santa Clara Vanguard drumline". That always stuck with me. Your strength in the face of such bitter, stifling, heart wrenching disappointment. At that age. That is huge!!!

- JT via email

TGIF!

With Regard to Edits

"Exxcuuuuuse me for wanting to protect some innocent person's feelings before they realize that the truth of life is pain and loneliness and downright bottom-of-the-barrel depression. Trying not to rain on parades here.

Or [dripping with sarcasm just so you know], I'm so sorry I don't want to get fired from my job because I told you something personal that I thought wouldn't be funny on the goddamn Internet! Pardon me!

We can't all not give a fuck like you. For some of us OCD = obsessively worrying about what was said and done in life and who might be offended.

Maybe we all can't be famous position-maintaining bloggers for Viacom, you sell-out piece of crap!"

*****NAME WITHHELD BY REQUEST*****

Still Don't Care

Chad Allen
Manny Alexander
Rick Ankiel √
Mike Bell
David Bell √
Gary Bennett Jr.
Marvin Benard
Larry Bigbie
Barry Bonds √
Kevin Brown √
Paul Byrd
Ken Caminiti √
Jose Canseco √
Mark Carreon
Jason Christiansen
Howie Clark
Roger Clemens √
Jack Cust
Brendan Donnelly
Lenny Dykstra √
Bobby Estalella
Matt Franco
Ryan Franklin
Eric Gagne √
Jason Giambi √
Jeremi Giambi
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Jason Grimsley √
Jose Guillen
Jerry Hairston Jr.
Matt Herges
Phil Hiatt
Glenallen Hill
Darren Holmes
Todd Hundley
David Justice √
Chuck Knoblauch √
Tim Laker
Mike Lansing
Paul Lo Duca
Nook Logan
Josias Manzanillo
Gary Matthews Jr.
Cody McKay
Kent Mercker
Bart Miadich
Hal Morris
David Naulty
Denny Neagle √
Jim Parque
Andy Pettitte √
Adam Piatt
Todd Pratt
Stephen Randolph
Adam Riggs
Brian Roberts
John Rocker √
F.P. Santangelo
Benito Santiago √
Gary Sheffield √
Scott Schoeneweis
David Segui √
Mike Stanton
Miguel Tejada √
Ismael Valdez
Mo Vaughn √
Randy Velarde
Ron Villone
Fernando Vina
Rondell White √
Todd Williams
Jeff Williams
Matt Williams √
Steve Woodard
Kevin Young
Gregg Zaun √

√ - Denotes players I'd still draft for my all-steroid all-star team. And, they'd kick the hell out of your non-steroid all-star team. I don't care. It's their bodies. These guys did a lot of good for the game; made a lot of people happy (and quite a few filthy rich). Am I missing anyone?

I don't care.

Maybe that mope KGJ should have tried something rather than wash out every season.

Spot On

"None of us reminded her that Monica had died of a terminal illness, as, in a way, that didn’t matter anymore. The point was that she was gone, and our lives would never be the same: we were people who knew people who died. This is to say that we had been touched by tragedy, and had been made special by it. By all appearances, I was devastated, but in fact I had never been so happy in my life.

The next time someone died, it was a true friend, a young woman named Dana, who was hit by a car during our first year of college. My grief was genuine, yet still, no matter how hard I fought, there was an element of showmanship to it, the hope that someone might say, “You look like you just lost your best friend.”"

- David Sedaris, Journey Into Night

Uh, So.

It's baseball. Like who cares? At least, who's surprised? If you're surprised, you're dumb.