10.12.2007

Metro Elevator Skit

Friend-submitted real-world play:
Woman 1: 45-50, looks single, have seen her before somewhere, but do not have confirmation of this - not particularly attractive.

Woman 2: Perhaps early 30s, fairly non-descript - wearing jeans (non business attire), reading the Washington City Paper while waiting for elevator.

Opening scene: Seven people loading into packed Metro elevator during afternoon rush.
Me: Oh excuse me [I ran into Woman 1 as we were cramming into elevator].

Woman 1 (to me): Oh, sorry, didn't mean to get in your way.

Woman 2 (to Woman 1): Uh, please don't hit me with your bag.

Woman 1: Sorry [sarcastically].

Me (to Woman 1): Are you okay?

Woman 1: I am, but I don't think she is [referring to Woman 2 while rolling her eyes].

Woman 2: I was just asking you to watch your bag - I'm watching mine.

[A moment of silence]

Woman 1 (to no one in particular, but clearly trying to get support of the other people in the elevator) Must have been a long day.

Woman 2: You're reaction is so typical...you hit me with your bag - I ask you to be polite and you give me a sarcastic "sorry".

Woman 1 (getting angry and overly dramatic): I hit you...

Woman 2: Now you're threatening to hit me?

Woman 1: No, I was saying that I hit you with my bag and was going to apologize but you made that snide comment before I had a chance.

Woman 2: I don't think it's ridiculous to ask someone to be polite.

Woman 1: You know what? Fuck you. Just fuck you!
Closing scene: Elevator doors open, I can hear Woman 1 saying “fuck you” a few more times and explaining herself to the stunned people waiting outside of the elevator.
And…scene!