STUDIO DIARY

TY: This album is getting weird, even for me. It's kind of scaring me, but I have no context or feedback. So far it's completely in a vacuum. I just hope it doesn't suck.

DAVE: I hope it doesn't either. What an embarrassment and tremendous waste of time it would be for you if it did.

OK, just echoing your fears. Of course that's not true! I guess that's the way you start to feel sometimes when you tell someone you're going to do something as opposed to doing it first. It can get in the way, the expectations, or imagined expectations I should say. Okay, just projecting my fears on you.

Weird and scary. I like it already.

TY: What's interesting is I'm working on projects all the time - constantly - most of those no one sees or hears. They're just filed away, maybe for practice for sharpness.  But, I stay somewhat productive: writing, photos, design, music/sound. And, I'm thinking about art all the time. But, nobody knows or cares, right?
 
But, by announcing, "Hey, look at me, I'm gonna make a new album, aren't I cool and interesting?!" it intentionally puts a great deal of pressure on me, self-inflected pressures.  I become very sensitized and cognizant of expectations.  Rich, Dave, Dan, three or four others...me!  Each step of the process becomes double-filtered:  What I want to do and what impact will it have on/for others.  Makes it hard, but helps me build in surprises or the unexpected. Makes me work for quality. Makes me sweat the details.
 
And expectations are great.  For me and hopefully for others.  I mean, what could people possibly think this will sound like? That's so interesting to me.  I mean, what if I produce a clean, professional, pop album full of light, safe topics?  I mean, we killed god on OFR. What if it just sucked? Everything about it, sloppy technique, bad ideas, amateurish attempt at being relevant or a desperate attempt at being fresh? Happens all the time; artists lose it, writers get blocked, rock stars buy the act and cannot see the forest any more. Happens all the time.
 
I don't know.  I still feel that most people will never get what I do. That's why my attended audiences are so small.  Hopefully, maybe Brennan can do this, someday my lifelong body of work will be placed into some context.  Or, maybe it'll just die with me like my deepest, darkest secrets.

Suck or not, it'll take years for me to understand or appreciate the efforts. I'm just beginning to understand my earlier work.