7.21.2007

Our Now Powerful Leader

Although the Post changed it to something like, "We're Way Too Chickenshit To Ever Be Mean To These Bullies," the original AP headline was (seriously, they changed that headline to "Growths in Bush's Colon Not Suspicious, Doctor Says"):

Bush Reclaims Powers After Colonoscopy

Oh, so that's where he left them. After six and a half years of being history's very worst president, George W. Bush finally reclaimed his magical powers. They were apparently found up his ass. I guess
we will now see him unite rather than divide because he's a compassionate conservative.

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Even worse, Dick Cheney was actually driving the mother ship of democracy for two hours and five minutes. God help us all.

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Other funny things from the article:
  • "First lady Laura Bush was in Midland, Texas, celebrating her mother's birthday. The president spoke with her on the phone before and after the colonoscopy." Mommy?! What, is he Reagan now?
  • "Bush was asleep but responsive during the colon check." Uh, 'cuz he's generally awake but unresponsive normally, right? Then, shit, leave him asleep.
  • What's the first thing you do after a colonoscopy? Have breakfast with the mob: "Afterward the examination, Bush ate breakfast with chief of staff Joshua Bolten, White House counsel Fred Fielding and national security adviser Stephen Hadley."
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By DEB RIECHMANN

The Associated Press
Saturday, July 21, 2007; 11:40 AM

CAMP DAVID, Md. -- Doctors removed five small polyps from President Bush's colon on Saturday after he temporarily transferred the powers of his office for two hours to Vice President Dick Cheney under the rarely invoked 25th Amendment.

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