Quotations To Bank On

by young, cosmopolitan, formally educated, Indian woman at work:

1. On terrorist extremist who are willing to blow themselves up: “They just need to get laid.”
— August 4, 2004

2. On Ethiopia’s loss of productivity due to a leaf that Ethiopians are increasingly chewing on: “There’s something to be said about getting high.”
— August 5, 2004

3. On sitting next to a group of Amish persons in an airplane who don’t use deodorant: “It was bad dude, I thought I was going to die!”
— August 10, 2004

4. On why she will eat a fish but not a chicken: “Fish are fish, dude, animals are mammals.”
— August 30, 2004

5. On moving up the professional ladder: “I’m on the path to mediocrity and that’s just fine with me.”
— March 23, 2005

6. On the smell of her office after eating Chipotle: “Does it smell like dookie, dude?”
— April 5, 2005

7. On whether I was referring to “Twin Peaks” the homeless program in Pennsylvania or some other “Twin Peaks”: “Twin Peaks…not the porno movie?!”
— April 7, 2005

8. After co-worker described her 130-lb dog: “Oh my god, dude, it’s as if I was a dog!”
— July 7, 2005

9. On the large number of staff working on a particular project: “That project has long testicles”
[She met to say tentacles.]
— October 21, 2005

In reaction to her door that shuts by itself; as office door swings closed: “Fuckin’ door pisses me off! Always looks like I’m up to something in here.”
— November 7, 2005

11. In a phone conversation with former co-worker: "Hey man. We must have ESPN. I was just thinking about you in the shower. Uh, wait, that came out all wrong."
— November 11, 2005

12. Witnessing one lunch group member bringing another a cup of water: “Get your own damn water...I guess if you were choking I'd Heimlich you -- but I don't know how.”
— December 9, 2005

13. Response to sharing co-worker's (very) spicy potato chips: “I don't want a fuckin'' stomach ulcer on my conscious. Those things are for yuppies.”
— December 9, 2005

14. After declaring that co-worker had new dress pants on, even though he owns similar pants, worker challenged her. Her response: “Dude, I know more about your wardrobe than anyone here.”
— January 25, 2006

15. After looking at a [United Nations] poster of a young Kurdish girl: “You know, the funny thing is, this kid is cute now, but when she grows up she’ll look like crap.”
— February 23, 2006

16. After co-worker described the official color of a friend’s dyed hair as “Bordeaux with four drops of black cherry,” She replies: “I want to drink that!”
— February 28, 2006

17. After suggesting that she should stay with company founder while transitioning to new office, she replies: “I’m not staying with that dirty old man.”
— August 14, 2006